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Pray For Me, That I'll Do This Just For Allah}
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 | 10:25 PM | 0Comment
Salam... (oh no, the day-dreaming girl again!)
Nak tulis bm pulak bleh? Bi kantoi kan? Campurlah!
Honestly, menulis ni tak pernah terlintas dalam fikiran sebagai habit. Actually, dulu benci sangat menulis esei segala bagai. Masa sekolah rendah pun, really hates writing. When teacher said, "Okay, class, this is the essay for homework." And I'll say, "Oh no! Not again!" Tapi tetap nak tulis jugak esei tu dan nak jugak buat sebaik mungkin. Entah kenapa, menulis ni benci tapi kalau sekali karang plot, tak puas kalau tak tulis elok-elok. Dan, setiap kali menulis, mesti akan letak diri Husna dalam cerita tu. That time, tau la cerita apa lam kepala otak budak darjah 4-6.
Alien, planet coklat... Alien tu selalu! Cikgu sampai cerita kat ayah, Husna kalau buat karangan tak sah kalau cerita2 macam tu tak dak! Mesti kena guna imaginasi jugak. Then, mesti akan panjang berjela. Dad, I am different. Just look at my essay and others. Doesn't it takes point?
Oh, Allah, I'm in love with fantasy! I don't know... Somethime's I becoming too awful, and luckily You reminds me... A lot. Hahaha... I don't know why I'm becoming like this. Am I weird, Allah? Well, I think I am... The thing is, sometime, I come to confusion. I do it for Allah, but am I really sure that I put 100% to Allah? There come syaitan lots. Kemudian perbetul balik niat, perbaiki. Selalu mintak orang tolong doakan, tolong, doakan biar aku buat ni untuk Allah sahaja. Takut tersalah niat, takut buat ni untuk manusia. Allah mesti no. 1! Mesti selalu macam tu.
All the ideas, all the words, when it comes to fruition or simple sentences, all it came from Allah. I own nothing. The dreams, the imaginative thought, the emotional effect in the story, I ask for Allah to give me. Oh, Allah, give me the gift! I am not a natural writer, I just someone who just fond in reading, since I was a kid. That's all. Nothing more about writing's stuff. I'm no good in writing, yes, always get scolded by bm teacher. Truly, it was.
But, when it finally comes about 'working' under Allah, I felt something, special. The calmness... More than it always did before. Yes, I did some research, probably a lot. That's why I was late on finishing Aslan Muhaimin. It is part of me, all of the characters. It's myself, whether it was hidden or what you can see about me. I writing that while learning, all of Aslan's mistakes was mine.
I learn on how to love Allah, I learn about Islam. The beauty of Islam. Thanks, Allah. Thanks for letting me writing this novel. I love it. I learn much about You from it. Alhamdulillah.. Hope You guide me, forever. Until the very end, jannah. Aminn....